Whatever Happened to Manners?－中英双语

Whatever Happened to Manners?

我们的礼貌怎么了？

By Linda Dano

琳达·达诺

Do you remember a time when people were a little nicer, a little softer, a little gentler with each other? I certainly do, and I feel that much of the world has somehow gotten away from that. Too often I see people rushing into elevators without giving those inside a chance to get off first, never saying thank you when others hold a door open for them, or please when they want a co-worker to hand them something, never giving a wave or nod of appreciation when another motorist lets them pull out into traffic. We get lazy, and in our laziness we think that something like a simple thank you doesn't really matter. But it can matter very much.    还记得人们对彼此更善良，更温和，更优雅的时候吗？我还记得，我甚至觉得现在的人不如以往那样好了。现在，我常常看见人们不等电梯里面的人先出来，就冲了进去；有人帮你把门，你也不说“谢谢”；要同事递东西的时候，也不说“请”；其它的驾车的人让你的车先驶入茫茫的车流时，你也不点头或挥手以示感激。我们变懒了，因为懒，我们就觉得一句看似简单的“谢谢”并不那么重要。而事实上这却很重要。 The fact is that no matter how nicely we dress, how beautifully we decorate our homes, or how lovely our dinner parties are, we can't be truly stylish without good manners. It's impossible. Genuine style and graciousness go hand in hand.    事实上，不管我们穿得多么漂亮，房子装饰得多么好看，聚会举办得多么讨人喜欢，不懂礼貌，我们就不是真的有品味。真正的时髦总是与雅致如影相形。 In fact, I think of good manners as a sort of hidden beauty secret. Haven't you noticed that the kindest, most generous people seem to keep getting prettier? They become Cary Grant or Lauren Bacall right before our eyes. It's funny how that happens, but it does.    事实上，我认为懂礼貌是一种潜藏的美丽。难道你没有注意到，那些最善良、最慷慨大方的人们正变得越来越漂亮？我们目睹他们成为了像加里·格兰特或者劳伦·白考尔那样的人。你可能觉得那很搞笑，但这是真的。 Take the long-lost art of saying thank you. Like wearing a little lipstick or making sure your hair is neat, getting into the habit of saying thank you can make you feel better about yourself, and then you look better to everyone around you. A gracious manner not only sets an excellent example for your children and grandchildren but it adds priceless panache to your image. A grumpy, angry face makes even the most stylishly dressed person look downright ugly.    就拿遗失多年的艺术“谢谢”来说吧。就像涂唇膏或确保头发整齐一样，形成说“谢谢”的习惯也会让你自我感觉良好，这样的话，你周围的人，也会觉得你看起来状态不错。优雅的举止不仅能给你的孩子及孙子树立好的榜样，同时也能让自身的形象大放异彩。一个爱抱怨、爱生气人，即使穿上最时髦的衣服显然看起来也很丑。 Positive Thanking    积极致谢 Of course, saying thank you does wonders for the person on the receiving end too. I recently got a thank-you note from a guest who attended a 40th birthday party that my husband Frank and I hosted for Frank's daughter-in-law. The note was lovely enough, but even lovelier was the fact that the guest had also included a recipe for a dish I'd complimented her on at an earlier gathering. It was a sweet gesture that made me feel terrific and put me in a great mood. What a gift! Many of us know we should write thank-you notes, but we think we don't have the time or energy. Now, I know we all have busy lives, but I bet the note my guest sent me didn't take long to write.    当然，说“谢谢”也能对接受方产生奇迹般的影响。我最近收到一张宾客致谢的便条，他曾参加过我丈夫弗兰克和我为弗兰克的儿媳举办的40岁生日聚会。这张便条本身就已经很让人愉快了，但更让人高兴的是这位客人还在便条里附了一道菜的配方，那道菜是上次聚会的时候我赞美过的。 If you feel like a hell because you've put off sending a card (the rule of thumb is to mail it within a few days), write a note that says, "I should have done this two weeks ago, but I didn't want to let another day go by without telling you how much I enjoyed your party." It's much better than not writing at all.    如果你因为迟迟没有发卡片（一般都是过几天发邮件）而感觉很不舒服的话，那就写张致谢条：我本该两周前就向你致谢的，但我不想迟迟不告诉你，我是多么喜欢你的聚会。这比不写可好得多。 Magic Words    有魔力的话

Just as powerful as a thank-you note is the simple phrase "excuse me." Don't you just hate it when someone knocks an enormous carry-on bag into your head when he's barreling down the aisle to board an airplane -- and then doesn't bother to say he's sorry? But when someone does stop and turn around and genuinely apologizes, doesn't it melt away most -- if not all -- of the irritation you felt?    和“谢谢”便条一样，“对不起”也同样有用。当有人匆忙从过道登机而将手提袋砸在你的头顶上，且不道歉时，你是不是觉得讨厌？但，如果有人停下来，转过头，真诚地向你道歉上，你的怒气是不是大半都消了（纵使不是全部）？ Same for holding the door open for others when you see their hands are full. I'll even do this for a hotel bellman carrying my luggage. Just because his job is to carry my bags doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate a little gesture that makes his life a wee bit easier. I think we can all remember a time when we were juggling packages while people passed by and let the door slam in our face like they didn't even see us. It's awful!    同样的，当看到有人双手不空时，帮别人开一下门也是不错的。我甚至对宾馆的行李员都是这样做的。他的工作就是搬袋子，并不意味着他就不能享受到让他的生活更好点的礼貌。我仍然还记得那个时候，我们扛着大包小包，人们从我们面前经过，而无视我们，门砰的一声在我们面前关上的情景。那太让人讨厌了。 And punctuality is not a thing of the past, either. Being on time for lunch dates, for example, shows the person we're meeting that we value his or her precious time as much as we do our own.    准时也不是过时的事物。例如，午饭约会的准时也表明了我们如重视自己的时间一样重视他们的时间。Bringing Manners Home    在家也要讲礼貌

And for heaven's sake, we shouldn't forget to use good manners with our own families. That's where it counts the most because those are the people we love the most. It's like I always say, don't save the cloth napkins for company. Find ways to show you care every day. How lovely it would be to put a card on your spouse's pillow at night to say thank you for some dear thing he or she did for you or even just to say I love you.    看在上帝的份上，我们也不要忘记和家人讲礼貌。那是最应该讲礼貌的地方，因为那里的人是我们最爱的。就像我常说的，不要给公司节省餐巾。找到能表现出你每天都关怀家人的方式。如果晚上在你的配偶枕边放一张卡片，感谢他或是她为你做的很重要的事是很让人愉悦的，哪怕上面只是写着“我爱你”。 Similarly, bringing home the most insignificant little presents for people you cherish will go a long way. It shows they're in your thoughts and you want to make them happy.    相似的，回家的时候，给你珍惜的人带份微不足道的小礼物也大有裨益。这能让他们知道，你想着他们，你想让他们快乐。 If you're a husband, how long has it been since you walked in the door with a rose for your wife? Or maybe her favorite candy -- even if it's just a Snickers bar? You'd sure get my attention if you brought me a Snickers!    如果你是个丈夫，你想想，你有多久没有带着给妻子的玫瑰花回家了？或者是她最喜欢的糖果－甚至是一块士力架巧克力棒也行。你如果带士力架回家的话，我肯定会注意到你的！ I firmly believe spouses should be gracious about the routine things they expect each other to do. When your husband finally puts the cap back on the toothpaste, thank him for it. Thank him for taking out the garbage, even if it is his only chore. Thank your wife for washing the dishes or making dinner. Show that you don't take the other person for granted. He or she is much more likely to treat you the same way.    我固执地相信，配偶对彼此期望对方去做的日常琐事抱宽宏的态度。当你的丈夫最终学会把牙膏的盖子盖回去，你要感谢他这么做了。谢谢他把垃圾倒了，即使，这只是他的唯一的一件差事。谢谢你的妻子为你洗碗或是准备晚餐。以示你对其它人做的事没有觉得是理所当然。他或是她我相信，也会以同样的方式对你。 Good manners are infectious. Now, if we could just get everyone to catch them! 

  好的举止是极具传染力的。现在，让我们大家一起学着讲礼貌吧！